Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
