I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
