You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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