dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
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I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
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I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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