My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
So vagazzling was a success
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
