even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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