haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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