my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
