Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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