Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
