It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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