We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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