Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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