There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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