i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
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