Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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