I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
