People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
