i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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