I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
