those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Is Oprah even human
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
