He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
