Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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