I just pynch a tree in the face
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
