I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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