How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
