I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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