hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
