She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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