Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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