The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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