Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
