John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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