We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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