It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
