It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
