What did we do last night that was yellow?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
