Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
