Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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