Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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