bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
