are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
