Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
