Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
