The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
