Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
