This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
