just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
