DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
