Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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