Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
