Your face is a jimmy john
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
