Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I am mentally ready for anal.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
