hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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