I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
