So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
