We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
