I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
