my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
