so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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