I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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