Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My dick has a subreddit
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
