Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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