i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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