My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I look better un-naked...
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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