It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I hate all girls vehemently.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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