So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
