you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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