you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
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I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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