I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
