why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
do herpes really smell.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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