Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Damn victory sex feels great
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
