the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Sober January is a disaster.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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