Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
