The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
