omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
