You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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