I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
