you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
This show inspires me to have sex in space
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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