everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
