Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
