i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
