There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
